BY LYRA YANG
Editor’s Note: Our fiction piece is a short story about the borders faced by a stranger in the strangest of lands: a college campus. Rui is a new student from China who seeks to live an “American” life, which means negotiating encounters with other Chinese and Chinese American students and navigating a problematic admirer. The inclusion of Chinese dialogue is left untranslated, not only for prosaic verisimilitude, but because it presents a different kind of border for the reader. Whether or not one is a reader of Chinese, we trust the writer’s powers at investing the reader in Rui’s journey will guide them through this work.
Header Image: In Between by Cristina Rao | 30x40” mixed media and oils on canvas
Rui was an international student from China. Like some of her peers, she was particularly into learning about the Americans and their way of living. Prior to coming to the U.S, Rui's knowledge of the American life came solely from teen movies like Mean Girls and High School Musicals, or even more scandalous, Gossip Girls. Rui also had the reputation of living an American life in China-- while she immersed herself with the imported American pop culture (mostly from Disney), she imagined living and breathing with those characters on a daily basis. On one memorable occasion, she dreamt of having a subtitled conversation with Blair Woolderdorf, the Queen Bee of Manhattan social scene, about suntan lotion.
Rui’s dream of coming to America came true. After years of hard work in addition to keeping up the regular high school curriculum in China, she got accepted into a few colleges in America. She knew too well that it would be comfortable to stick with other Chinese students. However, it would be extremely hard to make friends with the Americans. Therefore, after much research, she decided to go to college that has the least Chinese students-- by least, the school still admitted over six hundred Chinese students that year. Non-surprisingly, she received an invitation to join the Chinese community on campus. How can she avoid being sucked back into the warm Chinese circle? She sent an email to the residential office, stating that she would love to room with non-Chinese students. The reply she received was, “we do not assign rooms based on any racial discrimination.” Rui panicked. All she wanted was to learn from the Americans. But her intention came across as being a “racist.”
To her delight, she was assigned to live with Caroline, a local American girl. But Caroline already had a tight friend circle-- her high school friends, and she seemed to have little interest in becoming a bestie with a foreign student who might not even be in America after college. As Rui was lamenting about the fate of being a loner in this foreign land, a bubbly Chinese girl approached her with a big smile.
“Hello! My name is Sherry. I live next to you! Do you speak Chinese?” The girl asked.
“...Yes.”
“你也是中国来的啊。太好了， 终于见到一个中国人了!” “Oh… 我有点事。回头见!”
Rui ran away from Sherry as fast as she could. That was the temptation! If she became friends with Sherry, she would only speak Chinese for the rest of her college life.
In the coming days, Rui experienced much disillusionment: First, prom is only for the high schoolers, and it is not the most important thing in an American teenager’s life. Second, nobody dances on the cafeteria tables! Three, people might ask how are you, but that doesn’t mean they want to hear the real answers. Rui soon discovered that once a class project was over, everyone moved on for new temporary friends. She added hundreds of Facebook friends, but she could have a deep conversation with none.
The day after the midterm, Rui dragged her heavy laundry basket to the stairs, the familiar Chinese voice rang by her ear.
“要帮忙吗？“
Before Rui could answer, Sherry lifted the other side of the laundry basket.
“Thanks. You’re so nice!”
“中国人就不要那么客气了！”
Rui smiled. How could she say no to that?
Later that evening, she went to the diner with Sherry. They exchanged stories of living on the strange American campus. It was as if she was talking to an old friend. Contrary to her presumptions, Sherry also tried to resist the temptation to stay in the warm Chinese circle in order to befriend the Americans. Sherry suggested they join a Christian student group, which has the bonus of free food.
That Friday, they attended a Christian student group’s meeting. After hours of bible preaching, the group leaders instructed the attendees to get the free food in the buffet style. Raised as an atheist as most people in China, Rui looked at the half-warm food on her plate, and felt ashamed-- She had sold her soul for a plate of fried rice and raw broccolis!
“I feel bad.” Sherry whispered. The two walked back to their dorm in silence. How far should she go in order to have an American friend? As they walked past the beautiful campus, Rui saw the happy Americans laughing and chilling on the grass by the fountain. Why can’t she be one of them? She reminded herself that she came all the way across the pacific ocean to learn about American culture. She mustn’t give up.
Rui distanced herself from Sherry again. She buried herself in the library and dorm. She started to observe, eavesdrop, and imitate. She noticed that American students liked to debate about politics. They always seemed to be passionate, confident, and carefree-- everything-- she wanted to be. She stopped watching American shows, because she was in the real-life American show.
A new semester arrived. Rui purposely enrolled in a few humanities classes, because they were known to be “difficult” among the Chinese students due to language barriers. Among those classes were the intro to art history class.
She glanced over the hundred-seating lecture hall. There were only a few Asian faces, and all of them have the “Born in America” vibe judging from how great they integrate into the American standards of beauty-- tan, arched eyebrows, tank tops and shorts-- everything ties back to the confident and carefree spirit.
She sat down in the front row, next to an Asian girl, whose eyes were glued to her phone. “Should I ask her to add me on Facebook now?” As Rui pondered her default question, a tall, slim white guy with glasses and an extinguishing jawline approached her, his tinted white eyebrow arched.
“Hi! I like your hat,” he said in a high-pitch voice.
“Thank you... I like your... notebook.” Rui responded.
“May I sit here?” he pointed at the seat next to Rui.
“Of course!” Rui replied merrily. She intuitively sensed that he liked her. And that made her nervous.
Then the class started, as the middle-aged posh-dressing professor stood in front of the big lecture slide. “When I look at this painting, I feel so touched… because it is about life.” The professor covered her heart with both hands, intoxicated in the overwhelming passion. Rui stared at the painting: three horizontal stripes of red, blue, and darker blue (purple?) from the top to the bottom. Rui tried to grasp the existential meaning behind these three simple stripes.
“I hate people who talk pretentious like that,” the guy next to her remarked.
“I know,” she replied, thinking it impolite not to respond.
The professor moved on to introduce her other favorite modern paintings. The guy whispered, “Even my feet can draw better than that.” Rui covered her mouth to repress her laughter. This guy joked liked her friends back home. She felt a connection-- through his skeptical remarks challenging the authority.
When the class was over, the guy turned to Rui and said, “My name is Matt. Can I have your phone number?”
“Of course!” Rui handed her phone to him. Her heart flustered. This was the first time an American asked her for the phone number. This could be the beginning of a nice cross-cultural friendship, she thought.
When Rui got back to her dorm and started soaking rice, she received a text from Matt, “Would you like to get sushi?”
Rui puzzled. Did he just ask her for a date?... In Rui’s past experience, a romantic relationship springs only from a long-term friendship. How can one be intimate with another without really knowing the person? Her philosophy derived directly from the traditional Chinese dating culture. But she knew well from all the shows she watched, one can be as intimate as possible after the first sight in America. She didn’t like that idea at all, but she reminded herself that maybe this would be the window to finally learn about American culture.
Rui poured the water out from the rice-cooker. She put on a nice shirt, and took out her new eyeshadow palette. She always wanted to use it but never had the occasion-- Then she stopped herself from applying the eyeshadow. She didn’t want to give him the wrong signal. After all, she wished this was not a date.
The sushi restaurant by the campus was a dingy little space with the color scheme of yellow and red, which reminds Rui of the mustard and ketchup bottles in the cafeteria, as well as fast food chains.
“你几点下班？“The host asked one of the bus boys.
“Do you understand what they’re saying?” Matt whispered to Rui.
Rui laughed, “Yes. This sushi place is run by Chinese people, like many sushi restaurants in the U.S.”
“Oh. I didn’t know that,” said Matt.
Rui ordered omelet fried rice, and it turned out to be okay. Rui asked Matt many questions, and Matt enjoyed talking about himself. She learned that Matt was a freshman physics major. He got into the college on full scholarship. He was close to his mother, who worked as an airline stewardess. And he also felt lonely as the only child.
Two hours have passed. Rui ran out of her follow-up questions. Matt seemed to be a nice guy, but she couldn’t reciprocate the feeling that she sensed from him. As the sky turned darker, she got a bit uneasy. So she suggested they get the check. Matt insisted on paying for her dinner, which surprisingly resembles the unspoken gender role back home-- men always pay for women. Rui didn’t like that rule, but she also appreciated the gesture of being a “gentleman.”
“It made me happy to spend the money I made from tutoring math to treat you,” Matt said with pride.
“Wow, that's amazing that you're a math tutor!” Rui complimented. None of her Chinese friends took up an extra job as a freshman; they were all fortunate to be supported by their parents.
“I have been working as a math tutor since high school,” Matt smiled.
“That’s amazing! I’m so terrible at math,” Rui said.
“I thought all Chinese are good at math,” Matt replied.
Rui laughed. It was not the first time she heard that comment.
“I also suck at playing ping-pong--”
“Then you are not really a Chinese,” Matt interrupted her.
Rui laughed again. But this one was bitter.
“I guess I’m not that typical,” Rui reflected. She didn’t know how to make sense of that comment. Should she feel proud or should she feel ashamed?
As they walked back to campus, Matt suggested they take a detour to the school fountain. “Sure! I love walking.” Going for a walk after dinner held sentimental value for Rui. Ever since she could remember, she would go for a walk with her grandparents by the lake nearby their house. That was her favorite time of the day. Everyone was happy after a healthy meal with the family, and it was the perfect way to digest the food by walking and chatting with the loved ones. Although she couldn’t do it with her family anymore, Rui carried on the tradition of walking. But on this day, she could do it with her new American friend.
The sun sank slowly behind the academic building, as they approached the fountain. Matt sat on a bench and gestured to Rui to sit by him. Rui wanted to remain standing, but felt weird to do so. So she sat, but as far as she could away from him on the small bench. There was a moment of silence. The sunset reflected in the pool was beautiful, but she felt increasingly uneasy. The setting, the time, the occasion-- everything was right, but something felt wrong.
“Sorry I'd better go back-- I have a deadline tomorrow,” she finally made up a lie.
“What deadline do you have? It’s the first day of school,” Matt frowned.
She was a bad liar. She seldom lied. But another lie slipped out of her mouth, “It’s not for school… It’s for a job application.”
Matt seemed unconvincing. He turned quiet. She apologized again.
“Stay a little while longer. Please,” Matt begged.
Before Rui could make up her mind, he suddenly grabbed her hands and said, ““It was so nice to hang out with you. To be honest with you, I haven't felt happy for a long time...”
Rui withdrew her hands and stood up immediately. “I'm glad you find it nice to hang out with me but-- sorry, I need to call my parents.” Rui ran all the way back to her dorm.
Rui’s heart was still racing after she locked herself in the bathroom. Fortunately Caroline was out as usual. She knew it was normal for two people to have sex on their first date on a college campus like this. But Rui was not ready to have her hand touched by even her closest male friend whom she knew since seventh grade. She thought it was her fault to make him feel that way. She thought she messed up the opportunity to look into American culture-- but like the church group, she felt betrayed, as she scrubbed her hands for a long time. She was betrayed by herself.
Finally, she escaped to homework. Too bad there wasn’t much homework that day, so she debated which shows to watch for distraction.
A face-time call disturbed her peace. It was Matt. Matt’s high-pitch laugh. His begging eyes. His arched tinted-eyebrows-- all swam to her mind.
She waited till the call ended. Then she typed, “I’m sorry I’m already in--”
A second face-time call interrupted her text. The ring seemed to never end. Rui imagined how angry and hurt Matt could be after she left him by the fountain. She rejected it.
A third call. Rui left the phone by the corner.
“Worst case, I’ll drop the class,” she thought, biting her nails.
After a while, serenity returned. Matt left a voice message, “Why did you not pick up my call?”
“Because I don't fucking know you!” screamed Rui. But she had to be polite.
So she took the next hour typing up a diplomatic paragraph: “I'm sorry that I don't want to be in a relationship now... It was not your fault, but my own...You're very nice and smart. Can we just be normal friends?”
She felt bad for hurting his feelings. But she thought it was fair to tell him the truth early on than to delude both of them.
He replied, “No.”
Staring at this cold “No,” Rui felt a mixture of shame and rage. Another face-time call from Matt. She rejected it. She blocked his number. As the Chinese saying goes, “眼不见，心不烦。“What my eyes can’t see, my heart won’t be troubled.
Naturally, that made the art history class exceptionally awkward. Rui wanted to drop the class, but she thought dropping a class for a guy she barely knew was completely not worthy. Therefore, Rui arrived late and sneaked to the very back of the lecture hall. To her relief, Matt seemed to direct his attention to the American born Asian girl.
However, she kept running into Matt on campus-- the library, the cafeteria, and the gym. He seemed to be always watching-- behind the coffee mug, behind the computer, behind the locker. Whenever she saw him, she ran away, praying with her atheist heart, “Please let this be over soon…” Was he stalking her? She reflected on another Chinese saying, “冤家路窄。“ Her friends back home advised her to report this to the police. “This guy could be dangerous,” they warned her. Serial killers from CSI, Criminal Minds and Lie to Me flashed into her mind. But she didn’t have any evidence, other than her vivid imagination and overwhelming apprehension. She looked up the campus police’s call. But she couldn’t dial the number. She thought maybe he was crazy about her? Maybe that was mad in love like? But they had only one dinner together; what did he know about her? After much calculations, Rui decided to see a school therapist.
But the next morning, she hesitated on the decision. How could an American therapist understand her struggle? What would the therapist think of her? But she couldn’t hold this to herself any longer. So she put on her shoes and ran across the campus for her appointment. She had been avoiding going near the fountain, because it gave her a chill in the spine just thinking about the way Matt looked at her. However, she had to pass the fountain to make it to the appointment on time. As she tried to push down those memories, the haunting high-pitch laughter rang in the distance…
It was Matt hand in hand with a familiar bubbly figure-- Sherry! Before Rui could run away, Sherry waved at her with her big smile, “Hi!!!” Rui froze. Matt smeared at her with a sense of triumph. Fortunately, the school bell liberated her from the staring torture. She ran away like a lightning bolt.
Rui felt more relieved than shocked. Of course he would move on to another Chinese girl. Of course this girl would be Sherry, who was just as eager to make friends with the Americans as her. She stopped in front of the therapist’s office. She didn’t need to talk to anyone anymore. It was over.
Later that night, Rui heard an abrupt knock on the door.
“Caroline?” Rui frowned. Her roommate always assumed she was in the dorm.
“是我！“ said the familiar voice.
Rui opened the door. Sherry looked radiant in her floral dress and glittering eyeshadows. Before Rui could think of a compliment, Sherry said amusedly, “他跟我说了和你的事情.”
“哦。他说我什么了?” Rui asked, acting nonchalant.
“他说你的灵魂是空的。他很可怜你。“ “空？”
“对。像黑洞一般。” Rui scoffed. Sensing that Sherry was Matt’s confidant now, Rui didn’t say anything. But she felt the rock hanging above her heart finally fell down. All left in her mind was Matt’s snear. Was he hoping she would be jealous? Rui laughed at that thought.
“你感恩节怎么过？”
“我有好多论文要写... 你呢？”
“他邀请我去他家过。我觉得他蛮可爱的。” Rui puzzled: How could their relationship proceed so fast? Maybe that's the normal dating speed for Americans. Sherry definitely integrated better than her. “I hope you have a great time,” Rui said at last. Sherry smiled. She really looked forward to meeting his family.
After Sherry left, Rui reflected on her Thanksgiving plan-- she could sign up to spend with a “volunteer” American family in town. It was fifty dollars. Fifty dollars for an authentic Thanksgiving experience. As she was entering her mastercard number, another knocks on the door.
This time it was Caroline. They small talked as usual for a bit. Then Caroline asked if Rui wanted to spend Thanksgiving with her family. “My sister would pick us up and drive us to Maine,” Caroline explained the plan.
Rui almost cried. She couldn’t suppress her excitement-- whether Caroline’s invitation was out of friendship or sympathy, Rui was offered the priceless ticket to experience the most traditional American holiday with an authentic American family, with the bonus of getting a road trip experience.
Caroline introduced Rui to all her relatives, high school friends, childhood friends, cats and ponies. Rui had feasts after another. She finally understood the famous poetry stanza all Chinese students were required to memorize, “ 人在异乡为异客，每逢佳节倍思亲.” All alone in a foreign land, I am twice as homesick on the festival days. The encounterance with Matt altogether with his high-pitch laughter became a distant nightmare, as she breathed in the frosty air, facing the white forest, the frozen lake, and Christmas lights. All these years, she had been chasing the American dream. But when she sat around all Americans by the turkey table, this desire was replaced by a strange detachment.
She missed home. She missed the variety of regional cuisines prepared by her mother and grandmother for traditional Chinese festivals. She missed using chopsticks. She missed the 青菜汤) she used to have every meal. But she felt deeply grateful to Caroline. Caroline gave her the chance to see what she was looking for.
With a bittersweet feeling, Rui returned to campus. When she saw the gaily Americans passing by in the residential hall, she didn’t feel the urge to strike a conversation with them anymore. That made her feel great. For the first time, she felt comfortable doing nothing. As she was searching for the key for her dorm, she felt a tight grip from a pair of cold hands on shoulders.
”你终于回来了！“ Sherry cried. She looked as pale as a white candle.
“ 怎么了？” Rui tried taking Sherry’s hands off her shoulders, but Sherry wouldn’t let her go. Sherry wanted to say something but stopped.
“喝茶吗？进来慢慢说。“ Rui gently asked. Sherry noded, and followed her in.
Rui took out the last can of blacktea she brought from China. As the tea brewed, Sherry recounted her meeting his mother:
“我去到他家。都没有什么吃的。一点过节的气氛都没有。然后他妈凶凶地看着我...说，“Don’t you dare hurt my son.” 像是，我是她的仇人似的。感觉要是我对不起她儿子，她就要把我宰了...”
What flashed through Rui’s head was the American Gothic painting in their art history textbook, followed by a montage scene from Hitchhock’s Psycho.
“听上去好恐怖...”
“超级恐怖！我本来是要在那里过一夜的，但是听了那句话我他妈直接打Uber回来了。还是命更重要！I feel bad for him… 但是你知道吗？他又和另一个女生好了。那女生也是Asian. 但是好像是ABC.”
Rui and Sherry shared a knowing look. They both realized that to Matt, they were replaceable. They were dolls under the same yellow skin. They were the easy targets. They were reduced to a type. Their hobbies, interests, experiences, idiosyncrasies, dreams and nightmares-- nothing mattered to him.
“我们得跟她说。”
“怎么说啊？”
“我们的经历。“
Sherry nods. The tea was ready. Rui poured it into two porcelain cups. The two enjoyed the tea in silence, a comfortable silence, as the warm tea went down their bodies. The fragrance became a part of them. Rui looked at Sherry: she saw herself.
—
About the Author:
Lyra Yang is a Baltimore-based short story writer, playwright and screenwriter hailing from China. She is a recipient of the Judith Royer Excellence in Playwriting Award (2020) for her play Paper Dream. Lyra is a resident playwright at Horticultural Playwrights Workshop, and her play The Peach Land is set to have a public staged-reading in June, 2021. Her work has been developed and presented with the Kennedy Center, Cherry Lane Theatre, Miranda Theatre, Round House Theatre, Adventure Theatre MTC, Spooky Action Theatre, Avant Bard Theatre, and Silk Road Rising Theatre.
Images provided by author or used under creative commons license.
